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Writer's pictureZoe Mei

The Courage To Heal / Ellen Bass / Notes

Updated: Mar 9, 2021

Page 300-"But honey, I love you"-"When a relative who has abused you, not protected you, not believed you or still doesn't support you in a whole hearted way says "I love you", you are apt to feel confused and disturbed.


Page 45-Spacing Out


Page 58-59- The Stages Of Recovery

The Decision To Heal

  1. The Emergency Stage

  2. Remembering

  3. Believing It Happened

  4. Breaking Silence

  5. Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault

  6. Making Contact With The Child

  7. Trusting Yourself

  8. Grieving & Mourning

  9. Anger- The Backbone Of Healing

  10. Disclosures & Confrontation

  11. Forgiveness?

  12. Spirituality

  13. Resolution & Moving On


Page 123-Denying & Twisting Anger/Lashing Out

Page 124-Getting In Touch With Your Anger

Page 125-Working Through Mother Blame

Page 127-Fear Of Anger

Page 129-Positive Expressions Of Anger

-Speak out

-Writer letters (To send or privately for yourself to release)

-Pound on the bed with a tennis racket

-Break old dishes

-Scream (get a friend to scream with you)

-Create an anger ritual (burn an effigy on the beach)

-Take a martial arts course

-Organise a survivors march

-Volunteer at a recycling centre & smash glass

-Dance an anger dance

-Page 140-Protecting Other Children

-Page 148-Writing A Confrontation/Writing Exercises

-Page 153-But They Had A Bad Childhood

Page 154-Reconstructing Family History

Page 180-Changing Internalised Messages/ The Most Common One Liners

Page 187-Nurture Yourself-The Teddy Bear's Picnic

Page 194/195-Exercises For Getting In Touch With Your Feelings

Page 198/199- Learning To Live Without Violence

Page 200-Controlling Abusive Anger

Page 202-Things To Do When I'm Desperate: 1)Breathe 2)Get Teddy Bear 3)Put On Relaxation Tape 4)Rocking Chair 5)Call Friend X 6)Call Friend Y If Friend X Not Available 7)Stroke Cat 8)Hot Bath 9)Write a hundred times "I'm safe. I love myself. Other's love me," or "It's safe for me to relax now" 10)Run around the block three times 10)Listen To Soothing Music 11)Pray 12)Yell Into Pillow 13)Watch Old Movie/Tv/Read Mystery Novel 14)Eat Macaroni & Cheese 15)Start Again From The Top

Page 208-From Hating Your Body To Loving Your Body

Page 209- From Splitting To Being In Your Body

Page 210-From Numbness To Feeling

Page 211-From Ignoring your Body To Listening To Your Body

Page 220-Self Defence: From Victim To Victor

Page 228-Confusing The Past With The Present

Page 229-Don't Come Near Me

Page 230-Fear Of Love

Page 440-Resources For Ritual Abuse Survivors

Page 462-Support Groups

Page 463-Starting A Group


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