Page164-"A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space"-Gloria Steinem.
Page 165-How to take someone off a pedestal-if you can feel that you're putting someone above yourself, it's an indication that you need to do some digging and figure out what it is you feel you're lacking, If someone's presence makes you feel insecure or brings out an ugly jealousness in you, your inner child is asking to be looked after and nurtured. So tend to them."
Page 166-"Realise that the person you're pedestaling has their own person on a pedestal above them too. Wild, right? Because they're human, flawed full of projections, insecurities and need therapy just like you"
Page 113-"So many unpleasant interactions can be avoided by just employing direct communication"
Page 58-"We truly despise people who remind us of the parts of our lives we wish we were thriving in, but aren't. "Who the hell does she think she is!? ""I don't like her. I can't put my finger on it, I just don't. "She's so annoying. She's changed since she's become successful. Be careful not to fall into the habit of tearing down other women to make yourself feel better. The satisfaction will wear off and you'll be back facing those unaddressed insecurities that you need to work on. That's on you, it's your responsibility. Leave her alone, let her shine!"
Page 59-"If seeing someone's low moments eases your anxiety and makes you feel like you're winning" work on it."
Page 62-"You either treat butch women/masc women with less respect or you make remarks about their appearance because of their lack of femininity. Flip it around"wow, in spite of the expectation for women to constantly cater their appearance to the male gaze and the privileges ...these butch icons are choosing to express their gender in a way that feels most authentic themselves...you judge or pity divorced women...flip it around...wow...they escaped a situation in which they were unhappily trapped"
Page 62-"You make comments on black women's hair, or use words such as "bossy" or "aggressive" to describe black women in power...any unsolicited comments on how black women chose to live their life or carry themselves is both misognistic and racist."
Page 56-"The girl you're jealous/hateful of isn't a bitch, you've internalised misogny"
Page 56-"Sometimes we dislike women simply because because they're making bold choices that we are too afraid to make ourselves, the choices that society has made us feel are wrong or shameful because they go against the patriarchal narrative"
Page 23-"You won't be able to enjoy things anymore-enter feminism, the world of hating everything. Just kidding! Kind of. But baby once those goggles are off there's no going back. You're going to see misogny, racism and double standard in absolutely everything: one minute "chick flicks" are your favourite movies, the next they're the stereotype-perpetuating garbage that you blame for making you crave male validation. Past sexual experiences that left you feeling uncomfortable might now actually be reframed as assault or rape...yes you might realise how your own behaviour changes when you interact with men, and how there's an innate urge for you to be polite, desirable and palatable. "
Page 25-"If I listened to every person who told me I've "taken my feminism too far" or believed every person who told me "not everything's about race/gender/sexuality", I'd still be stuck in my old ways of ignorance and stagnancy, which is exactly the type of person the racist patriarchy relies on...don't leave conversations about politics to "grown ups"
Page 32-"We live in a patriarchal society which priorities our desirability above anything and everything else. Which means...life is easier when we dress up. Life is easier when we shave. Life is easier when we wear makeup to work. Life is easier when we have made a visible "effort" with our appearance. Life is easier when we reflect society's idea of beauty."
Page 33-"Shaming other women for caring about their appearance is just another form of internalised misogny and an inability to see how race, class, sexuality and desirability all affect they way you're perceived in the world."
Page 34-"Performing femininity and desirability isn't always a choice for marginalised women, it's often an act of survival"
Page 38-"As a woman in this world, it often feels as though we have two choices: we can either be desired or respected. Seen or head. We rarely ever get both at the same time. Which one we experience of course depends entirely on our appearance "
Page 39-"How are you ever going to open your mind to other people's perspectives, if it's always filtered throgh a privileged gaze? Unfortunately, straight white men dominate our media, and the media is our cultural storyteller. The media is what shapes our culture, so we have to make a conscious effort to break out of this cycle...read books by black folks. Follow fat, disabled and trans people on instagram"
Page 44-"Making these autonomous decisions is tricky because it means breaking life-long habits. It can be further complicated by your identity intersections in society, and by your class privilege, ability, sexuality privilege, race privilege, cisgender privilege etc."
Page 45-"We talk of women being the "last one one the shelf, people in couples talk of their partners as their "other half" as though being single means they're incomplete. Hetero-normativiy has truly f'd up so many of us, to the point where we would rather being a toxic relationship than have no relationship at all. Hetero-nomativity wants women to settle."
Page 47-"Women who reject sexual advances are called "frigid, yet that same accuser will call a women who enjoys casual sex a "slut". "In a society that punishes you either way, the only option is to do what makes you happy.
Page 53-"In order to grow, you have to thank your old self, trust you deserve better, say goodbye and move on."
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