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Writer's pictureZoe Mei

I Hate You Don't Leave Me / Jerold J. Kreisman / Notes


  • Page 182-"Schema Focused Therapy-SFT-In this model, a schema is defined as a worldview developed over time in a biologically vulnerable child who encounters instability, overindulgence, neglect, abuse. Schemas are the child's attempts to cope with these failures in parenting. The concept of schemas derives from psychodynamic theories. SFT attempts to challenge these distorted responses and teaching new ways of coping through a process known as reparenting 1) Abandoned/Abused Child (abandonment fears) 2)Angry Child (rage, impulsivity, mood instability, unstable relationships 3)Punitive Parent (self harm/impulsivity) 4)Detached Protector (dissociation, lack of identity, feeling of emptiness) 5)Healthy Adult (therapist's role to model for the patient soothes & protects the other modes)


  • Page 102-SET communication

  • Page 87-Borderline women & narcissistic men marriage from family- masochist suffering-sadism-Ann encourage drinking violence to show off words in public to humiliate Larry-used beatings to exact punishment from Larry

  • Page 92-Girls 25% experience sexual abuse by adulthood

  • Page 97-Massive psychic trauma

  • Page 162-Group Therapy-1)demanding nature 2)ego centrism 3)isolating withdrawal 4)abusiveness 5)social withdrawal can be challenged by group peers

  • Page 27-BPD in relation to other disorders

  • Page 46-Suicide not a wish to die but others to intervene

  • Page 36-Infant temporary aloneness- perpetual isolation

  • Page 63-Families resulting in BPD

  • Page 64-Splitting in infants

  • Page 51-Raging bull throwing plates Van Gogh conflict styles

  • Page 58-Pattern attachment in men

  • Page 141-BPD- reduce in stamina, why healing often comes with age- no energy to maintain lifestyle

  • Page 144-She needs repairing she needs to learn to trust

  • Page 82-Help thy neighbour

  • Page 135-Emotional Abuse- Frigid Silence

  • Page 135-Sexual abuse child blames himself- "He can feel he causes the abuse therefore can find a way to end it"

  • Page 181 Schema cognitive distortions part 1- 1) unlovability 2) mistrust 3) lack of identity 4) fear of loosing control

  • Page 181 Schema cognitive distortions part skill to better control emotions

  • Page 181 Schema cognitive distortions part 3- better behavioural skills 1) healthy eating 2) healthy sleep regimen 3) exercise 4) goal setting

  • Page 180-Borderline patients posses a biological genetic vulnerability to emotional over activity

  • Page 169-Rock music releasing fury repressed memories of sexual abuse accepting rage & retaliation

  • Page 182-Recovery self esteem STEPPS IS A STAIRWAY- setting goals-writing a script-assertiveness training


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