Page 14-Gaslighting is soul destroying
Page 18-Are you involved with a glamour gaslighter?
Page 14-The glamour gaslighter
Page 19-Believing the gaslighter's perception to maintain the bond
Page 21-Good guy, gaslighter, disrespectful, compliance, facade is on of the acquiescence
Page 24-Intimidator signs
Page 24-28-Why gaslighting is so common between a man and woman
Causes:
1) Fast change of women's role during the 1940s
2) Rampant individualism/feminist movement & the isolation that goes with it- the result and after effect being gaslighting due to confusion and insecurity of new fast change of roles
Page 25-"In the 1940s and our own era, women suddenly took on new power in their work lives & personal lives- a transformation in roles that both they and their men may have found threatening. Despite their newfound freedom to work, run for office, and generally participate in public life, many women still wanted some version of traditional relationship- a strong man on whom they could rely on guidance and support. And many men, on some level were threatened by women's new demands for an equal voice in both public and private realms. As a result, I think some men responded by trying to control the same strong, smart women to whom they were attracted. And some women responded by activley reprogramming themselves to lean on their men, not just for emotional support but for their very sense of self.- Who am I in the world?" A whole new generation of gaslighters and gaslightees had been created. Paradoxically too, the very feminist movement that gave women more options also helped create pressure on so many of us to be strong, successful and independent- the kind of women who would be theoretically immune to any form of abuse from men. As a result, women who are in gaslighting and other types of abusive relationships may feel doubly ashamed: first, for being in the bad relationship and second, for not living up to their self imposed standards of strength & independence. Ironically, women may use the very ideas intended to support them as a reason not to ask for help."
3) The gaslight culture- gaslighting found in politics, advertising, found everywhere in systems not just intimate relationships
Page 22- The good guy/good guy listener gas-lighter needs to do nice things but not because he cares about you-he's just desperate to prove what a good guy he is
Page 39-Mythical other woman- you have to set limits
Page 35-"Why do we bend ourselves out of shape to fit a gaslighter's vision?" 2 reasons- 1) Fear of emotional apocalypse 2) The urge to merge
Page 10-3 stages to gaslighting: 1) Disbelief, 2) Defence 3) Depression
Page 29-Solution to gaslighting: Step 1: Understand you are a good, capable, loveable person who doesn't need an idealised partner to provide approval "you are entitled to love & a good life"
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