The Courage To Heal / Ellen Bass / Notes

Page 300-"But honey, I love you"-"When a relative who has abused you, not protected you, not believed you or still doesn't support you in a whole hearted way says "I love you", you are apt to feel confused and disturbed.

Page 45-Spacing Out

Page 58-59- The Stages Of Recovery

The Decision To Heal

1. The Emergency Stage

2. Remembering

3. Believing It Happened

4. Breaking Silence

5. Understanding That It Wasn't Your Fault

6. Making Contact With The Child

7. Trusting Yourself

8. Grieving & Mourning

9. Anger- The Backbone Of Healing

10. Disclosures & Confrontation

11. Forgiveness?

12. Spirituality

13. Resolution & Moving On

Page 123-Denying & Twisting Anger/Lashing Out

Page 124-Getting In Touch With Your Anger

Page 125-Working Through Mother Blame

Page 127-Fear Of Anger

Page 129-Positive Expressions Of Anger

-Speak out

-Writer letters (To send or privately for yourself to release)

-Pound on the bed with a tennis racket

-Break old dishes

-Scream (get a friend to scream with you)

-Create an anger ritual (burn an effigy on the beach)

-Take a martial arts course

-Organise a survivors march

-Volunteer at a recycling centre & smash glass

-Dance an anger dance

-Page 140-Protecting Other Children

-Page 148-Writing A Confrontation/Writing Exercises

-Page 153-But They Had A Bad Childhood

Page 154-Reconstructing Family History

Page 180-Changing Internalised Messages/ The Most Common One Liners

Page 187-Nurture Yourself-The Teddy Bear's Picnic

Page 194/195-Exercises For Getting In Touch With Your Feelings

Page 198/199- Learning To Live Without Violence

Page 200-Controlling Abusive Anger

Page 202-Things To Do When I'm Desperate: 1)Breathe 2)Get Teddy Bear 3)Put On Relaxation Tape 4)Rocking Chair 5)Call Friend X 6)Call Friend Y If Friend X Not Available 7)Stroke Cat 8)Hot Bath 9)Write a hundred times "I'm safe. I love myself. Other's love me," or "It's safe for me to relax now" 10)Run around the block three times 10)Listen To Soothing Music 11)Pray 12)Yell Into Pillow 13)Watch Old Movie/Tv/Read Mystery Novel 14)Eat Macaroni & Cheese 15)Start Again From The Top

Page 208-From Hating Your Body To Loving Your Body

Page 209- From Splitting To Being In Your Body

Page 210-From Numbness To Feeling

Page 211-From Ignoring your Body To Listening To Your Body

Page 220-Self Defence: From Victim To Victor

Page 228-Confusing The Past With The Present

Page 229-Don't Come Near Me

Page 230-Fear Of Love

Page 440-Resources For Ritual Abuse Survivors

Page 462-Support Groups

Page 463-Starting A Group

The Body Keeps The Score | Bessel A. van der Kolk | Notes

• Page 356-"Most of our profound advances grew out of experiencing trauma"-look at historical examples -Conclusion of hope and changing of systems from generation to generation

• Page 25-Was there a clear line between creativity & pathological imagination?

• Page 62-Frontal lobe & waiter

• Page 205-Frazzel brain

• Page 81-Central vagnal complex

• Page 97-Sense of self & the body- A tug of war ensues

• Page 59- Well functioning frontal lobes are crucial for harmonious relationships

• Page 65- When our emotional and rational brains are in conflict as when we're enraged with someone we love, frightened by someone we're dependent on or just after someone who is off limits

• Page 60-But it is exactly on that edge between impulse & acceptable behaviour where most of our troubles begin

• Page 144/147-Obesity's link with sexual abuse-when problems are solutions

• Page 144/147 Obesity's link with sexual abuse- deflecting sexual attention- when problems are solutions

• Page 258-2 me's

• Page 56 Reptilian Brain + limbic system = emotional brain

• Page 25-Fragmented memories of real experience schizophrenic hallucination

• Page 79 Reciprocity/social victim group cons

• Page 56-Reptillian brain

• No room for nurture care/love

• Page 76- Survival mode fighting off unseen enemies

• Page 179-Automatism!

• Page 98-Alexithymia

• Page 177-pathogenic secrets

• Page 258- After Effects-Images in intimacy Page 218- Centre mugging programme self defence

• Page 233-Core feelings bored overwhelmed shutdown

• Page 253-EMDR-results

• Page 18-Traumatic event-only time= sole purpose they feel alive

• Page 210-Trauma & Support Systems

• Page 233-Road to recover-brutal honesty

• Page 259-EMDR + Imagination + Control

• Page 105-Resilience quote-"In all quiet on the western front"- page 186

• Page 114-Abused kids reactions to faces compared to non abused kids (intenser perceived aggression to neutral faces)

• Page 335- Theatre & Trauma

• Page 311/312- How traumatised people process the world

• Page 273-Sensory awareness

• Page 276-Loosing trust/maintaining trust with trigger words

• Page 284-1) Little child 2) Older mature adult + victim 3) internal landscape "I hate the protective part"

• Page 285-A life in parts

• Page 286-Frigid contempt for partners that treat you will after sexual abuse

• Page 266: Chronically angry/scared/chronic pain- Physical symptoms 1)Spasms 2)Backpain 3)Migrain Headaches 4) Fibromalgia

• Page 65: Annie's association of excitement to see her dad with fear of being molested

• Page 299-Psychomotor therapies & Visual Memories

• Page 248-American deaths compared to Iraq

• Page 248-Politics link with trauma

• Page 339 "We were shocked to discover that in scenes where someone was in physical danger, the student sided with the aggressor because they could not tolerate any sign of weakness in themselves

• Page 345-Therapy & theatre are intuition at work- Setting boundaries in a theatre group

• Page 342-"You can't save your students only sit alongside them and help them realise their vision"

• page 341-Teaching interdependencies requires teaching relationships

I Hate You Don't Leave Me / Jerold J. Kreisman / Notes

• Page 182-"Schema Focused Therapy-SFT-In this model, a schema is defined as a worldview developed over time in a biologically vulnerable child who encounters instability, overindulgence, neglect, abuse. Schemas are the child's attempts to cope with these failures in parenting. The concept of schemas derives from psychodynamic theories. SFT attempts to challenge these distorted responses and teaching new ways of coping through a process known as reparenting 1) Abandoned/Abused Child (abandonment fears) 2)Angry Child (rage, impulsivity, mood instability, unstable relationships 3)Punitive Parent (self harm/impulsivity) 4)Detached Protector (dissociation, lack of identity, feeling of emptiness) 5)Healthy Adult (therapist's role to model for the patient soothes & protects the other modes)

• Page 102-SET communication

• Page 87-Borderline women & narcissistic men marriage from family- masochist suffering-sadism-Ann encourage drinking violence to show off words in public to humiliate Larry-used beatings to exact punishment from Larry

• Page 92-Girls 25% experience sexual abuse by adulthood

• Page 97-Massive psychic trauma

• Page 162-Group Therapy-1)demanding nature 2)ego centrism 3)isolating withdrawal 4)abusiveness 5)social withdrawal can be challenged by group peers

• Page 27-BPD in relation to other disorders

• Page 46-Suicide not a wish to die but others to intervene

• Page 36-Infant temporary aloneness- perpetual isolation

• Page 63-Families resulting in BPD

• Page 64-Splitting in infants

• Page 51-Raging bull throwing plates Van Gogh conflict styles

• Page 58-Pattern attachment in men

• Page 141-BPD- reduce in stamina, why healing often comes with age- no energy to maintain lifestyle

• Page 144-She needs repairing she needs to learn to trust

• Page 82-Help thy neighbour

• Page 135-Emotional Abuse- Frigid Silence

• Page 135-Sexual abuse child blames himself- "He can feel he causes the abuse therefore can find a way to end it"

• Page 181 Schema cognitive distortions part 1- 1) unlovability 2) mistrust 3) lack of identity 4) fear of loosing control

• Page 181 Schema cognitive distortions part skill to better control emotions

• Page 181 Schema cognitive distortions part 3- better behavioural skills 1) healthy eating 2) healthy sleep regimen 3) exercise 4) goal setting

• Page 180-Borderline patients posses a biological genetic vulnerability to emotional over activity

• Page 169-Rock music releasing fury repressed memories of sexual abuse accepting rage & retaliation

• Page 182-Recovery self esteem STEPPS IS A STAIRWAY- setting goals-writing a script-assertiveness training