Empaths & Narcissists / Judy Dyer / Notes

• Page 67- Forgiveness- Start to see each individual as unique, irreplaceable & special

• Page 83-"Our current culture grants more economic & social benefits to people who are bold & outgoing

Page 192-What to do when your parent is a narcissist: 1) Marginalization 2) Living through or uses the children 3) Narcissistic parents will make comments e.g (examples) 4) Superiority & Grandiosity 5) Manipulation 6) Shaming 7) Blaming 8) Guilt Trip 9) Unreasonable Pressure 10) Negative Comparison 11) Manipulative Punishment & Reward 12) Emotional Coercion 14) Superficial Image 15) Touch & Inflexible 16) Dependency/ Codependency 17) Possessiveness & Jealousy 18) Neglect

What to do when you learn your parents are narcissists 1) Learn about the condition 2) Accept they may never change 3) Recognise one of your parents is the enabler 4) Understand the family roles- are you the golden child, enabler, other possibilities e.g angry child, lost child, scapegoat. 5) Set boundaries 6) Get In touch with your feelings 7) Stop harming yourself 8) Be aware of your attraction to narcissists 9) Accept how you feel about your narcissist parent 10) Cleanse yourself of narcissistic fleas

• Narcissists take advantage of those they are threatened by whereas psychopaths take advantage for mere pleasure

• Page 158-Due to psychopaths not being able to experience joy from other emotions this is why they enjoy traumatising their victims

• Page 158-Psychopaths unlike narcissists incapable of showing guilt/remorse

• Page 158-Psychopaths usually have a criminal history where as narcissists tend to only commit psychological/emotional transgressions: Mainly involving: 1)slander 2)sabotage 3)devaluing

Narcissists & Psychopaths both have brain abnormalities

Page 82-Dopamine- Introverts & Extroverts

• Page 160-Narcissists have a fear of intimacy because getting close to someone would expose their true unbearable character

• Signs of Gaslighting page 187/188/190/191

• Page 53-Energy healing mantras

• Page 121/122-Food to eat for recovery

• Narcissists don't feel empathy or remorse for their victims, they only feel "narcisstic injury"- this is the despair & rage they feel. When a person threatens their false sense of entitlement/superiority

• Page 240-When you are aware of what is going on, you reduce the power of the narcissist to suffocate you

• Page 156/157: Theodore Million's Subtypes

1)The Phallic Narcissist

2)The Manipulative Narcissist

3)The Paranoid Narcissist

4)The Crowing Narcissist

5)The Amorous Narcissist

6)The Elitist Narcissist

7)The Compensatory Narcissist

8)The Unprincipled Narcissist

9)The Fanatic Narcissist

Page 185- Example of colleague knocking your confidence

Deescalate argument with narcissist- page 246/247

1)No one in the right, no one in the wrong

2)Empathise

3)Say "We" instead of I

4)Their Interest

5)No bait

6)Don't expect an apology

Page 171 & 172

1) The defeated child

2) The rebellious child

3)The angry child

4) The golden child

Page 260-"Your abusive partner simply confirmed how you have always felt"

• Page 230-Love is not evil it does not cause pain/distress

• Page 160-Narcissists do not have empathy but a superficial, performative "cold empathy"-they have an intellectual understanding of what a person is going through but they don't feel connected with the feelings

• Page 62-Empaths get rid of whatever promotes perfectionism in your life

• Page 258-To start anchoring yourself-make a list of the 10 most abusive incidents from your abuser (page 259 examples)

• Page 162- "Cognitive dissonance"-victims develop conflicting thoughts, feelings about the abusive partner. To resolve cognitive dissonance- the solution lies in accepting that the abuse is taking place as opposed to denying it or rationalising it

• Page 78-Setting boundaries

• Page 216-Signs of trauma bond

• Page 63-Compete with yourself

• Page 50-"Not forcing your expectations on others is one of the most important life lessons"

• Page 208-Narcissists take advantage of the empath's willingness to look at themselves & acknowledge their faults"

• Page 135-Routine

• Page 214-Emotional Rollercoaster rewarded with kindness-the body is put through trauma causing a biological effect-cortisol during punishment/dopamine during affection. This hormonal rollercoaster leads to physical symptoms such as 1)acne 2)chest pains 3)auto immune disorders. 18 signs of narcissistic parents

• Page 260/261-Exercise lowers cortisol levels & releases endorphins which helps to replace the biochemical addiction you developed with your abuser...the addiction was formed through cortisol/dopamine/serotonin & adrenaline

• Page 261-Carry a notebook for qualitive/quantitive monitoring

• Page 223- A great way to release your emotions is to join a martial arts class

• Page 239-Don't provide the narcissist with ammunition "I am confident with the decision I have made" "I have taken note of your opinion", "That sounded like you were trying to put me down","I noticed that anytime I start talking about myself you cut me off to talk about you", "How did you manage your money so well? Have you found the perfect secrets to managing a relationship?"

• Page 238-Narcissists-you decide what you want to talk about "They have a bad habit of criticising you for the way you spend your money or conduct yourself in a relationship"

• Page 271-"Narcissists have a phobia of asking for things directly because they are scared of rejection & it puts them in a position of vulnerability

• Page 99-Black Panther Empaths Empowerment Metaphor

• Page 108-Protect your empath if not deplete in when looking for a job

• Page 254-Cut psychic cords "when you dissolve the connection you are sending it back to the creator pr whatever it is that you believe has divide power over you- once the chords has been cut your vitality & energy will be restored immediately- Cut psychic chords for meditative technique/ exercises/forgiveness/ physical yoga/chakra

• Page 212-Trauma bonding takes place through a process of conditioning that psychologists refer to as the "arousal jag". This is where the narcissists gives their victim something to make them happy and then takes it away-Page 213-The victim becomes attached to the chaos & sadly they eagerly wait for it.

The Geography Of Thought / Richard E. Nisbett / Notes

1)The Syllogism and the Tao-Philosophy, Science and Society in Ancient Greece and China

2)The Social Origins of Mind-Economics, Social Practices, and Thought

3)Living Together vs Going It Alone-Social Life and Sense of Self In The Modern East And West

4)Eyes In Back of Your Head or Keep Your Eyes On The Ball? -Envisioning the World?

5)''The Bad Seed'' or ''The Other Boys Made Him Do it?''-Casual Attribution and Casual Modelling East and West

6)Is the World Made Up of Nouns or Verbs? Categories and Rules vs Relationships and Similarities

7)''Ce B'est Pas Logique' or ''You've Got a Point There''?-Logic and the Law of Noncontradiction vs, Dialetics and the Middle Way

8)And If The Nature of Thought Is Not Everywhere The Same? Impliocations for Psychology, Philosophy, Education, and Everyday Life

9)Epilogue-The End of Psychology or the Clash of Mentalities?-The Longevity of Differences

Attached / Amir Levine / Notes

• Page 21- "Attached principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs"

• Page 188-Moving toward security is not about tackling problems in your relationship; it's also about having fun together

• Page 88-Rational mind vs attachment system

• Page 142-Perks of secure attachment

• Page 89-Secure attachment-makes life easier

• Page 21(Western society)-We live in a culture that scorns basic needs for intimacy

• Page 159-Tell tale signs of an anxious/avoidant relationship trap

• Page Avoidant attached people don't date each other, 1) secure + anxious/avoidant 2) secure + secure 3) avoidant + anxious are usual parings

• Page 98-Dating advice is only for avoidants- Don't let people make you feel guilty for being needy or dependent

• Page 107-When anxious attached people give securely attached people/ a chance-they feel bored-why/ how to resolve

• Page 97-Anyone can have a happy ending like that- the trick is not to get hooked on the highs & lows or mistake on an activated system for passion & love

• Page 17-Secure base means no drama

• Page 26-Biology of attachment physiological unit partner regulates -blood pressure -our heartbeat -our breathing - levels of hormones in our blood

• Page 27-This study shows when two people form an intimate relationship they regulate each other's emotional well being

• Page Avoidance have attachment needs but actively suppress them

• Page Dependency paradox knowledge that there is someone beside us whom we can count on-ability to step into the world on our own

• Each reaffirm beliefs about themselves-why?

• Page 191-Anxious women are more likely to date avoidant men

• Page 82-Emily's frustration after meeting a good guy

• Page 78-A sensitive attachment system-Obsession-Emily & David maschochist BPD traits

• Anxious attachment jump to conclusions- a sensitive attachment system- anxious type

• Page 33-Blood pressure & unhappy marriage "chronic sense of tension"

• Page 62-Personality traits attachment not mutually exclusive

• Page 40-Fully validated attachment questionnaire

• Page 45-2 dimensions determine attachment-1)comfort with intimacy 2)anxiety bout love/attentiveness

• Page 127-How to stop pushing loved ones away-deactivation strategy-prepare meal together sail hike

• Page 92-Equating activated attachment with passion

• Page 220-Lauren & Ethan-sexuality "beards"gay

• Page 93-True love= Peace of mind

• Page 241-Effective vs ineffective communication

• Page 235-The principles of effective communication

• Page 237-New miranda's law of dating- effective communication right- from the start

• Page 272-A relationship from an attachment perspective should give you peace & self confidence-if not red flag